Self-Pity

For a few days I have felt exhausted and full of self-pity and doubt.  I felt as though I was being led by God and doing the work He has called me to do when suddenly I was overcome by fatigue.  I wanted nothing to do with others; I did not want to encourage them or pray for them or really even be around them.  This is not who I normally am. 

So I took a self-inventory.  Why was I exhausted if I was truly doing what God called me to do?  I realized that in doing the work that God has called me to do I would look to others for affirmation.  I wanted to be valued and appreciated by others.  Wow! How selfish and vain!  I became frustrated with myself because of my erroneous motivation to “do God’s will”.  I believe that my exhaustion came from God lifting His hand from me in order to allow me to do a little soul searching.

Tonight I came upon this Scripture in Jeremiah 15:19 (Amp), “Therefore, thus says the LORD [to Jeremiah], If you repent [and give up this mistaken attitude of despair and self-pity], then I will restore you [to a state of inner peace] so that you may stand before Me [as My obedient representative]; and if you separate the precious from the worthless [examining yourself and cleansing your heart from unwarranted doubt concerning my faithfulness], you will become My spokesman. Let the people turn to you [and learn to value My values]- But you, you must not turn to them [with regard for their idolatry and wickedness]”. (emphasis mine) Thank You, God.  Soul successfully searched.

Please do not get me wrong.  I believe that God made us to be relational beings.  I believe that we each, to varying degrees as given to us by our Creator, need fellowship with and encouragement from other believers.  When that need for relationship and encouragement gets outside of God’s desire for our lives I believe we can end up exhausted and empty.  The primary relationship God created us for is fellowship with Him.  We must first spend time with the Father before we can give to others.  God IS faithful and He will honor us by strengthening and encouraging us as we spend time with Him.  He will lead us and guide us to do His will.  His hand will be upon us as we seek Him first and rely upon Him fully.  Our inner peace will be restored when we repent of our selfish ways, place our primary focus back on Him, and allow His will to truly be done.

“Heavenly Father, thank You that Your Word speaks so clearly to our hearts.  May we always be quick to respond to You and the leading of Your Holy Spirit within us.  If we lose focus on and fellowship with You, guide us gently back to Your Presence and Your Word.  Give us a discerning spirit to sense if we are being selfish, vain or doubting Your faithfulness to us.  Use us daily for Your plan and purpose.  May Your will alone be done in our lives as we seek Your face.  In You alone we move and breathe and have our being.  We give our lives to bring glory to Your kingdom.  In the Mighty Name of Jesus we pray. Amen.”

Kami R. Lobner

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